Not our Ways

I recently ready about a New York man who found himself trapped in his car during a snow storm this past Christmas Eve.  He was running out of fuel and began fearing for his life.  He was in a residential area and began knocking on doors of homes nearby begging for shelter, even offering to pay to sleep on the floor.  Ten households turned him down sending him back to his car to try to survive the night.  An elderly woman approached his car later, also trapped.  She needed to use the restroom and was running out of gas, too.  In an effort to save their lives, the man broke into a nearby school he found on his GPS.  He didn't stop there though.  He went back out looking for people trapped in their car and brought them all back to the school for shelter. He ended up saving probably 20 lives.

Great story of bravery and heroics, but God in this story is bigger than the obvious! If you are like me, your initial reaction to the fact that TEN households turned him down for shelter in the middle of a snowstorm on Christmas Eve, no less, was one of shock and disappointment. And hear me, I get it. They were afraid. They thought he might be a murderer or a thief trying to steal all their Christmas gifts, and I can't with 100% conviction say I wouldn't have done the same. But after finding out how many lives he saved, the disappointment turned to understanding. 

God worked through those families' fear to set up a rescue for 20 more people. Did you hear me? He used their fear for His plan.  The man would go on to say that had just one of those families taken him in, he wouldn't have saved a single one of the people that he rescued.  I can imagine after ten rejections for shelter, this man was feeling like God was not answering his prayer. But God was going to not only answer his prayer, but TWENTY others through him.

May this be a reminder to all of us but especially those who feel like God has forgotten them or is ignoring their cries for help, that His ways are not our ways.  You may believe He is doing everything BUT answering your prayer. Oh but my friend, you have no idea how He is using the details for a bigger miracle than you even asked for!

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8‭-‬9 ESV

Karen

 

Most of us are pretty educated on the title "Karen" and all it implies, but just in case you haven't heard - Karen is the slang name given to women who are "perceived as entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is normal" according to Wikipedia.  Cranky and mean pretty much sum it up. (Apologies to all the lovely Karens out there...you are not your name!) 

It's become a term that no one wants to be associated as, and we would never describe ourselves in such a way.  Ultimately, no one believes they are a "Karen".

Bad news alert: Karen lives in ALL of us.  I had the flu a while back,  and truly, I don't normally have Karen tendencies.  However, a combination of exhaustion and sickness seemed to stir up a short tempered version of myself that normally outsiders are immune to.  Thankfully, the holy spirit filtered my mouth, but my untamed heart would've been the poster child for "Karen" herself. 

It dawned on me that the only difference between my normal self and the unleashing of the "Karen" within was self - control.  That's right. Same for you and everyone else reading this.  We are all one lapse in self control away from the "snap back, how dare you" monster none of us want to be known as.

Wouldn't you know self-control is one of the fruits of the spirit- one of the telling signs that you are chasing after Jesus. Hmmm...I don't know about you, but I 100% would rather look like Jesus than "Karen".

Pause

Christmas break is suppose to be a great opportunity to "pause".  Activities and school and you name it comes to a hault, and everything around us seems to force us to a rest.  However like typical humans, many of us struggle with committing to the empty schedule and after shopping and holiday events, we find ourselves back in January to do it all over again!

You know who knew when to take a break? Jesus. I'm not even talking Sabbath here...although he had that down too. Jesus knew when to be quiet, when to be slow to speak, when to "pause". 

My favorite place to point this out is in John 8.  Yep, the story of the woman caught in adultery.  When they bring the woman to him to see what he will do to her, he leans down and begins to write something in the dirt.  We can all speculate what it is he was writing, but to me it really doesn't matter.  I just love the picture of my Jesus clearly pausing and being slow to speak.  He was no fool to what was going on, and he could've snapped back with some quick comment highlighting their hypocrisy in a hateful way, but he didn't. He took a minute (not once but twice in this story if you go check the scripture) and then gave a perfect response that ushered conviction instead of anger, empathy instead of death sentence.

I don't know about you, but I think the whole world should take note! May you find a place in your hour, in your day, in your holiday, in your hard conversations to model a Jesus-like pause.

Ground Zero Reconciliation

Almost two years ago, I did a mini-series on "forgiveness" specifically related to marriage, adultery, and reconciliation.  It's hard to believe it was that long ago, but as the grace of the Lord has allowed those words to be used as a resource for women over the last 24 months, a new branch on this topic has weighed on my heart.  If the Lord has called you to reconciliation (and please see this previous post to clarify what I mean by the Lord "calling" you to reconcile), what does this look like on a ground zero level in your home?

This gets tricky because there will be highs and lows to your own willingness to be obedient to this reconciliation call.  At first, you will likely be all in...ready to take on the cause and restore your marriage...working hard to hold steady in front of your eyes that this is for Jesus and not for your spouse.  Then, reality sets in.  This is not as easy as you had thought.  Your spouse may be back in your home, maybe even back in your bedroom, and you are now forced to grapple with constant reminders of their betrayal.  Everything is a trigger - from seeing them on their phone to watching them get in the shower.  I won't even go to the wounds that will be exposed as you work to restore intimacy.  If there was ever a tangible picture of the enemy at work, here it is.  No one said this wouldn't be a battlefield.  God didn't leave you alone in battle though.  He actually handed you armor.  This is where you have to really dive deep into your relationship with your savior.  Get in his word and cry out to him when you are having a terrible time taking a thought captive.  Tell your God about it...honestly...how it is making you feel, how you can't fathom surviving this way.  Find accountability either with a Jesus loving friend or a Biblical counselor who can help you shift your perspective when the enemy has convinced you that your emotions should reign as king.

It can also get incredibly tricky to separate our culture's expectations from the Lord's.  This is how this usually play out:  

Ok, Lord.  I do feel that you have called me to reconciliation.  I can see that my spouse is truly repentant, has turned from their sin, and is chasing hard after you.  However, if I am going to take them back, they better be absolutely flawless.  There is zero room for error.  I have the upper hand, and they better cross every t and dot every i perfectly.  They have a lot of making up to do...for the rest of their life they will be indebted to me.  I am now queen, and they are lucky I am even considering reconciliation.  

Can you hear our culture's advice leaked in here.  The world tells us that we take care of ourselves.  If I have been wronged, they better make it right.  It's all about me.  We don't take crap from nobody: not a waitress, the grocer checkout, the guy in the car in front of me, and especially not a cheat of a spouse!  This is likely the advice you would get from friends and even family especially if they aren't genuine Jesus chasers, but even if they are because the world's way is loud and even seems to make sense especially to our emotions.  Christ followers are not immune to falling into this trap, but just because something is loud and satisfies our pride, doesn't make it right.

Reconciliation can only occur if BOTH parties are chasing hard after Jesus and trying to look more like him.  This includes the spouse that would be viewed as the faithful one.  You are not immune to growing in Jesus because you weren't the "big sinner" in this story.  God is certainly there as a place for you to grieve and find comfort, but he isn't a fast food stop to fill you up until you are hurting again.  He wants you to know him in such a way that you desire earnestly to honor him with your whole life...including surrendering your spouse's recovery and your ability to control what this looks like in your home.  You have to put in the work as much as they do!

Now, what if they are totally failing?  What if they are being shady again?  What if you see zero fruit of the Lord in their life?  This is why we don't just white knuckle reconciliation and try to do it on our own.  Biblical counseling and accountability has to be a regular part of both of your lives.  They need someone speaking into them in regards to their recovery and pointing them towards looking more and more like Jesus in every situation.  You need the same.  If they are falling back into old sin, this is where this counseling comes into play to help assess if they ever truly were repentant, or if they just wanted to smooth things over and have their normal back.  Reconciliation may not be the answer in your story, but let that come from the Lord's exposure and not your self-queen, controlling expectations. This simply exposes your own lack of faith because you believe you are the only one who can make them walk the straight and narrow.

Furthermore, their behavior towards you should be a reflection of the ways the Lord is healing and changing their heart...not modified behavior to try and please you so you will let them stay.  The heart behind their change has to be because they are so grieved at how they dishonored their savior and they want to honor him by loving their spouse well.  Any other reason for them to change (especially the one where you put yourself on a pedestal always watching for a slip) will not work and is only incredibly temporary.  As a matter of fact, I would go as far as to say that it will breed bitterness, and you will very likely end right back in a similar situation where you started.

Reconciliation is not easy.  But, if it is from the Lord, and both spouses are chasing hard after Jesus, the restoration is more beautiful than the original rubble you tried to create on your own.

Real Fear?

My kids play a LOT of sports between all of them.  Our little sister, Trynli, just recently got her turn to be on a real softball team after watching her brothers from the sidelines for years.  This summer she played for our local softball organization's all star team.  During the championship game (which they lost just fyi), one of the opposing team's batters hit a line drive that nailed Trynli right in the chest. It bounced off and she went to grab it still trying to make the play.  She never even flinched.  (She is a tough cookie, but those balls are also way more rubbery than normal softballs.)  

As I watched this happen, it just made me think about how scared so many of these little girls are to get hit by one of these balls...including Trynli.  They have to work so hard with them over and over to show them that if they knock the ball down the right way, it won't hurt.  The anxiety of just the thought of that ball hitting them is enough for them to not play confidently and to their full potential...just the mere thought of it.  Don't get me wrong, if you take a ball - no matter how rubbery- the wrong way, it will hurt. It can bloody you up quickly, but let's get to where we're going.

How many of us let the fear of something reign and rule over us? It isn't even a reality, probably most of these enemy fueled fears won't even become a reality, but we give them power nonetheless. We are tortured with all the images of what it will be like, how it will hurt, who it will hurt, etc.  In the end, we are no longer able to live to our full potential, confidently enjoying the life the Lord has blessed us with much like those little tiny softball players unable to enjoy their game. 

As Trynli found out, getting hit by that ball wasn't actually nearly as bad as she had imagined it would be.  When our hope and joy comes from our circumstances being perfect and painless, then we are taking the ball all wrong.  We are bound to end up bloody because freedom from the enemy's fear, whether it comes true or not, is in knowing that our hope and joy come from our rest in the one who controls it all.  If we can trust him enough to believe his plan is good even if it includes our biggest fears, the sting of that ball doesn't hit like we imagined it would.  Taking every thought captive and not allowing ourselves to spiral down into a full blown cinemark in our mind of all our "what if's" is also key to fielding that hard hit ball correctly.  No doubt, I am in this battle with you, but if anyone has experienced coming out bloody verses coming out shockingly unscathed, it's me. And, that isn't a testimony to the circumstances changing to perfect...it is a testimony to the Lord being faithful even when they are not.

Is Nice Enough?

Let me just be super clear from sentence one of this piece...this is not a political message.  This is a "Jesus was kind to show me a parallel" kind of message.  So here goes:

With so much talk and movement in regard to racism this last year, there was much for many to learn.  I'm a white girl married to a Native American man and never thought one second about his race when we crossed paths.  Really have never considered myself racist at all, but there was one statement made somewhere...maybe social media that caused me to reflect.  The statement was something along the lines that just because you are nice to people of different cultures doesn't mean you aren't racist.  This was confusing to me. I wondered what else is there?...what more can you be to someone than nice?  And, I'm not leaning this towards "you can be nice and fight for other people's rights politically and on platforms, etc." Although if the Lord calls you to those places, you should take those steps, but for me the Lord's lesson here was different. It was more personal.

If you are new here, and you don't know our testimony, you can find all the juice in the "About Me" section.  Probably won't do you any good to keep reading until you do.  But, our family bears a scarlet letter.  One earned by sin that no one here denies. Now we have been incredibly blessed by people who the Lord has strategically placed in our lives to love us unconditionally - scarlet letter and all.  But we have also crossed paths with people who are truly kind to us. They will never be outright cruel to our face, but they also could never intertwine their reputation with ours.  They can wave to us, smile even, but to actually do real life with us is too risky...for our kind of scarlet letter cultivates fear and certainly judgment.  At the end of the day, these people (usually professing Jesus lovers themselves) sleep at night clinging to the concept that they are "nice" to us.

This brings me to the parallel the Lord kindly revealed. This is what they mean by just being "nice" to someone of a different culture or race doesn't mean that you aren't racist.  You can be courteous at the grocery store to someone different than you...you can even let them go ahead of you...but would you invite them over for dinner?  Would you let their son marry your daughter?  At what point is our surface level kindness just to help us to feel good about ourselves...help us sleep at night.

Now don't get me wrong...as I've already stated...our scarlet letter is a consequence of sin. Someone's race or culture is NOT a consequence of sin.  It is just simply God's creative work. There is no one here that blames anyone for having to wrestle with the Lord to believe that he could reeeaaalllyyy renew and restore my husband, our marriage, our ugly.  When someone struggles with being associated with people like "us", we understand.  We are not entitled to nor do we rely on everyone's approval.  However, for me, understanding why just being "nice" wasn't enough was far more tangible when I could see it through my own story.

And I can't leave this topic without touching on the cross ALL of our family bears due to my husband's sins. When we reconciled, many had concerns about how unfair it would be to me and especially our kids to have to be under this umbrella of judgment.  Wise counsel in those days sweetly reminded me of how Jesus bore sins of far more sinners that were not his own.  I would love to say that my children will somehow be promised immunity from this discrimination, but that has already proven untrue.  The gift they are given in exchange, however, is a very unique perspective on just exactly what their Savior did for them. 

We laid down, long ago, being their hero...or our own. There are so many different layers to discrimination whether perceived as deserved (like ours) or undeserved (like racism) . There is nothing about this piece meant to solve any world problems, but if it causes you to reflect at all on who and how you associate with those around you, then sit in it for a minute.  Jesus never just smiled and waved as broken or different walked by.  He dove in, invested, brought healing, shared meals, laughed and loved well.  May we look like Jesus in every way...especially this way.

May March Never Be the Same

I know February is short, but March sure snuck up on me!  It's really crazy to think how oblivious we all were this time last year. Coronavirus was just a rumor that few of us believed would hit the U.S.A.  Little did we know, in a couple of weeks, our normal lives as we had known them were about to flip upside down.

Do you know who wasn't oblivious...wasn't shocked or surprised by March 2020: our almighty God.  He wasn't scrambling for answers or facemasks and certainly not toilet paper.  I think many of us can look back on the last year and find that he didn't let any of the struggle go in vain. He chiseled away at our ungratefulness, at our spirit of discontent, and mostly at our idol of comfort and convenience.  None of us would have asked for the suffering of this past year, but as usual, we wouldn't have reaped the reward of the changes in our character that come with this kind of refinement either.

While this month will be a time to grieve and pray for families who lost someone due to Covid, families who suffered financially, and for whatever hardships this month of March marks the anniversary for; may it also be a time to praise the Lord for the ways he comforted, provided, and removed us from our man made thrones of control.

May March always serve as a time in our lives to remember that our God is omniscient, mighty to save, and too loving to let our temporary happiness stand in the way of his everlasting joy.