Our Ugly, His Glory

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Everytime we tell our story, I am reminded of how it really isn't ours.  It's His.  He chiseled us and refined us through some really hot elements...we needed it.  He did things like reveal our true identity when we had found it only in worldly things, and He taught us what real surrender looks like.  Telling our story is never easy...it's like telling your most shameful secret to a room full of strangers over and over again.  There is no prediction for how that room will respond, yet the step of faith is obedience...and that's really all He requires.  The step comes with no promises, no instant revival, but I do believe He honors the faithfulness no matter how reluctant.  So here's to one more step...Thank you, Venture Church, for wanting to share our ugly for God's glory.

The Wedge

The wedge...something inserted to draw things apart.  Every relationship, at some point, started with two people on the same team.  They may have been rooting and fighting for all the wrong things, but on the same team nonetheless.  Then, suddenly, something changes.  A wedge of some sort creeps in.  It could be early on in the relationship or years later, but inevitably at some point, a separation stirs.

It usually stems from some sort of pride which then leads to disagreement about life, parenting, money...you name it.  Whatever it is, two different teams emerge amongst the dissension and they find it hard to coexist.  Lately, I've been reminded of a common wedge that is hard to navigate.  This wedge begins when one member of the relationship has an encounter with Jesus.  Maybe they've always known Him, but have spent years ignoring or pushing Him to the side.  After patiently waiting, the Lord has resurfaced pouring His grace and redeeming way of life out over this prodigal child.  Or, maybe they just met Him for the first time.  Either way, this individual is ready to surrender to this Savior.

Unfortunately, the other member of this relationship, isn't sold out.  They don't know their spouse as a follower of Christ forsaking the former way.  They are totally fine soaking up their sin-filled life, and as a matter of fact, it is increasingly annoying for this former teammate to be making them feel guilty about life they used to partake in together.  At this point pride and resentment creep in, and even if this new life could have some pro's, they aren't even going to pretend to give it a chance simply to prove their point.

This type of wedge can happen to anyone, but it is extremely common among my sisters, who not unlike me, went missionary dating or knowingly married someone based solely on physical attraction.  Always thinking we would be worth changing for or that we could "share our faith" with them.  After the new honeymoon phase and maybe a couple of little ones added to the space, it just isn't what we thought it would be.  The factor that can make this even more confusing is that they may not be that bad of a guy.  Just because they aren't a Christian doesn't automatically mean that they are abusive or unfaithful...but on different teams nonetheless.

Many of us rediscover Christ in this moment when the human we put in His intended place falls far from the pedestal we had hoped he could rule well.  And then, we have expectations for our surrendering.  We chose to change our life for Christ, so we hope that means He will make everything easy.  We certainly aren't expecting to be persecuted in our own home.  But, we are forgetting the sin that we openly invited in...that we entangled ourselves with so deeply.  The Lord is completely able to make this new, but when you dig a hole so massive, it takes time for repair and rescue to come so completely.  And, your Savior will not except anything less.

So, what is your play?  Obviously the Lord wants your heart with or without your husband's, but what if having a relationship with Jesus damages your relationship with your spouse?  Throw in the towel on God to have some peaceable years here on earth?  Ummm, no.  Remember, you will stand before your Savior one day...only you and your sins...not with your parents, or your kids, or your spouse.  Getting right with Jesus is your responsibility and your joy.  Now, as you walk with Him, you will find His guidance in the Word and convictions in your heart along the way.  The Bible is not silent on being married to someone who doesn't surrender to Christ.  It is clear in 1 Peter 3:1-2:

...so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

It is so very tempting to hold a mirror in front of their life and every decision to show them how wrong they are, but it will do you absolutely no good.  They have no ears to hear this from you.  Show them who Christ is by imitating his shameless love even when...no scratch that...especially when you are disappointed in them.  Let the Lord stand firmly as your spiritual leader when you are sad that your spouse refuses and keep begging and believing for the Lord to perform the miracle of saving them.  Don't be scared of it being ugly or drastic...your foreman is really good at what He does.

When It Isn't Pretty

Sometimes swirling around in this land founded on statements like "The American Dream", we look around to see all the success stories and suddenly, inspiration laced with envy layered with expectations rears its head. "I want that", we secretly dream. I want all the world's love and adoration. I want to pour out whatever it is that I have to offer, and everyone scramble to soak it up. This is so very true in the social media society we live in. Anybody can become somebody with just the right picture or viral video.

How easy it is to share beautiful things. How many people have gotten their own fame, their own television show because of how gorgeous they could make their home or their plate? But, what if the only thing you have to share isn't lovely at all? What if it's unattractive and tainted with a scarlet letter no one wants to wear? Is it still worth sharing? It's really hard to live in a place where being loved by the world seems to be the only semblance of success. Yet, here I am conflicted on if ugly ever has a place. You see, the Lord takes the hideous and makes it beautiful. But, this beauty is subjective. His work is on a different level and culture doesn't usually see through His lens. The real question isn't if His work is worth sharing. The real question is if we are brave enough to share our ugly to shine His glory? Is our reputation more important? Is being loved by the majority the only thing that counts?

This, my friends, is where I land. I am not an incredible decorator. I can follow a recipe but leave so much left to be desired. Photo filters are the only thing that make my photog skills even slightly eye appealing. I will never be picked up by a network or sponsored by a brand. Even people who love the Lord hesitate to be associated with my story. It's that "bad". But who am I to let fear of rejection and judgement stand in the way of the hope that pours from the Savior. After all, the more despicable the starting point, the more powerful the redemption.

You have to know that I am a podcast listener. I absolutely love to listen to women's stories and the Jesus that they found through it all. But, most of the stories I have loved are from someone who has been wronged. The one's that people can love on because it wasn't their "fault". The ones that place a scarlet letter on someone else and don't get me wrong, I glory in these stories! I love to see the Lord's great rescue and healing. He is that kind of a daddy. However, his fatherly love isn't limited to just that. He also comes hard after the offender. That is actually one of the many things that makes Him better than human. He is not limited to love and forgive and rescue only the one hurt but also the perpetrator. Not because they deserve it or because they won't have consequences, but because He wants to see them restored to a relationship with Him. He wants to see them live out their days made new, sinning no more, and ending their ugly days in unity with the only one who could have ever known all their sin and loved them anyway. Don't take my word for it: ask David or Zaccheaus or the Samaritan woman at the well...especially ask her.

Where are the stories of the "other woman" who in her darkest days tore a family apart or the wife of the registered sex offender who dared to obey the Lord in reconciliation when the world shook its head in disgust? They go silent. How can they ever go into even Christian community and ever be fully known because there are parts of their story that are hard to swallow. Do these women deserve a Savior? In the midst of the hurt and judgement, it sure seems like the world only has vengeance for them.

Thankfully, we don't get to make that call. While the world may shun them, it is only Jesus who gets to decide who is worthy of his grace. I believe the Lord has said, "It is time." Fear doesn't get to veil the door for freedom and light. His glory IS more important than my reputation, so be encouraged all of you out there wearing scarlet letters of your own. Your ugly, even at your own hands, doesn't have to be your skeleton in the closet if it shines the power of your Redeemer. He does, afterall, command dry bones to rise.

I've hinted to it already, so I'll go first: