The Wedge

The wedge...something inserted to draw things apart.  Every relationship, at some point, started with two people on the same team.  They may have been rooting and fighting for all the wrong things, but on the same team nonetheless.  Then, suddenly, something changes.  A wedge of some sort creeps in.  It could be early on in the relationship or years later, but inevitably at some point, a separation stirs.

It usually stems from some sort of pride which then leads to disagreement about life, parenting, money...you name it.  Whatever it is, two different teams emerge amongst the dissension and they find it hard to coexist.  Lately, I've been reminded of a common wedge that is hard to navigate.  This wedge begins when one member of the relationship has an encounter with Jesus.  Maybe they've always known Him, but have spent years ignoring or pushing Him to the side.  After patiently waiting, the Lord has resurfaced pouring His grace and redeeming way of life out over this prodigal child.  Or, maybe they just met Him for the first time.  Either way, this individual is ready to surrender to this Savior.

Unfortunately, the other member of this relationship, isn't sold out.  They don't know their spouse as a follower of Christ forsaking the former way.  They are totally fine soaking up their sin-filled life, and as a matter of fact, it is increasingly annoying for this former teammate to be making them feel guilty about life they used to partake in together.  At this point pride and resentment creep in, and even if this new life could have some pro's, they aren't even going to pretend to give it a chance simply to prove their point.

This type of wedge can happen to anyone, but it is extremely common among my sisters, who not unlike me, went missionary dating or knowingly married someone based solely on physical attraction.  Always thinking we would be worth changing for or that we could "share our faith" with them.  After the new honeymoon phase and maybe a couple of little ones added to the space, it just isn't what we thought it would be.  The factor that can make this even more confusing is that they may not be that bad of a guy.  Just because they aren't a Christian doesn't automatically mean that they are abusive or unfaithful...but on different teams nonetheless.

Many of us rediscover Christ in this moment when the human we put in His intended place falls far from the pedestal we had hoped he could rule well.  And then, we have expectations for our surrendering.  We chose to change our life for Christ, so we hope that means He will make everything easy.  We certainly aren't expecting to be persecuted in our own home.  But, we are forgetting the sin that we openly invited in...that we entangled ourselves with so deeply.  The Lord is completely able to make this new, but when you dig a hole so massive, it takes time for repair and rescue to come so completely.  And, your Savior will not except anything less.

So, what is your play?  Obviously the Lord wants your heart with or without your husband's, but what if having a relationship with Jesus damages your relationship with your spouse?  Throw in the towel on God to have some peaceable years here on earth?  Ummm, no.  Remember, you will stand before your Savior one day...only you and your sins...not with your parents, or your kids, or your spouse.  Getting right with Jesus is your responsibility and your joy.  Now, as you walk with Him, you will find His guidance in the Word and convictions in your heart along the way.  The Bible is not silent on being married to someone who doesn't surrender to Christ.  It is clear in 1 Peter 3:1-2:

...so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

It is so very tempting to hold a mirror in front of their life and every decision to show them how wrong they are, but it will do you absolutely no good.  They have no ears to hear this from you.  Show them who Christ is by imitating his shameless love even when...no scratch that...especially when you are disappointed in them.  Let the Lord stand firmly as your spiritual leader when you are sad that your spouse refuses and keep begging and believing for the Lord to perform the miracle of saving them.  Don't be scared of it being ugly or drastic...your foreman is really good at what He does.