Forgiveness Inside Reconciliation

This is the second part to the previous post entitled Forgiveness.  

In the previous post, we had a conversation about forgiveness specifically in adultery...what it is...what the Lord calls us to...and what it isn't.  Mainly pointing to the fact that forgiveness doesn't automatically equal reconciliation.  However, sometimes in the Lord's very own perfect way, he does work out reconciliation on the rocky, desolate other side of unfaithfulness.  

Let me be clear, though, You serve a trustworthy God.  Go to Him.  Seek Him out earnestly in this calling.  Reconciliation is not something to be done just so that your home can have some sense of "normal" or "peace" again.  Let's be honest, was that normal you had really full of peace?  I'm willing to bet the lies and secrecy weren't fertile ground for a lovely home life.  Nonetheless, sometimes going back to what we once knew, even if terrible, can be comforting and it can NOT be the reason you are willing to reconcile.  Trust me, if your spouse isn't working to put his flesh to death, you don't want him back in your home...not that version of him for sure.

It can't be to save face (pride) or even for your kids.  Reconciliation comes in the light of TWO people being willing to fall on their knees before Jesus, dying to themselves and restoring that relationship first.  Only after that can the Lord begin the great work of reconciliation.  But, that doesn't mean it will be easy.  This is a tremendously beautiful picture of how the Lord can redeem, but we are still sinners.

Common struggles amidst reconciliation:

One day I am all in and the next I can't stand to be in the same room with them.  There is no doubt that this process will take time...give yourself grace here.  But, if you know the Lord has called you to this, then be both feet in.  Do not be double minded or like the waves tossed in the ocean.  Use God as your model for how to forgive. Most importantly remember that you are doing this for Jesus...not your spouse.  This is an act of obedience to the Lord.

Psalm 103:12 as far as the east is from the west,so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

James 1:5-8  But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Everyone is looking at me and whispering what an idiot I am to take him back.  This may absolutely be true, but the real truth here is that you will not stand before them in the end.  You will stand before your Savior.  His opinion is the only one that counts.  Not to mention this very common "caring of what other people think" is a sure sign of co-dependency.  Contrary to cultural belief, having the approval of other human beings should not determine our joy.  If your Redeemer has called you to reconciliation, then obedience to Him and His approval are all that matters.

I don't deserve to wear the consequences of someone else's sin.  True, sometimes walking out reconciliation means that you will walk in what their sin reaped with them.  It sucks.  But just think, for one minute you get to, on the tiniest scale, feel how Jesus felt bearing consequences for sins He did not commit.  That is a perspective shift that should stir your affections for the God who has called you to walk this out.

How can I ever trust him again? There is only one who is completely trustworthy and that is Jesus. You put your trust in Him. It's not that you don't have any trust in your husband; it's that you trust him through Jesus. I trust that Jesus will take care of me with or in spite of him. If my husband messed up again, it would sting, but it wouldn't devastate like before because all my hope is not in him...it is in my true Savior.  And friend, He is worthy of all the trust.