Yes, ten years ago does mark a birth of one of my sweet sons. It marks a milestone birthday for my husband as he hit 30, but oh man, 2010 was the front door step to a dark unfamiliar wilderness I was terrified to step into. 2010 is the year that I walked out obedience to pursue reconciliation with my ex-husband who two years before I had divorced in the light of his adulterous affairs including an online sting with an undercover cop posing as a minor. 2010 is the year that my husband finally was judged in court for his sins and received his sentence of ten years probation and registration as a sex offender. That was my 2010.
If you had told me in 2008 that this would be my 2010, I would have called you a liar. I was divorced from that man and was on the hunt for a new father for my daughter, but my God refused to let me keep swimming in the allusion of my own control. Somewhere in 2009, I fully surrendered my whole life to that same God which led to this wilderness of 2010. You see, the Lord never promises that His road won't be scary. He only promises He will not leave you there alone. And, He didn't.
Nonetheless, you can't imagine how long ten years seemed waking up in April of 2010. Imagining the baby growing in my belly to be 10 years old by the time the consequences we had to walk in were over. That my daughter would almost be a teenager. The rules that we had to live by because of his sins were scary and limiting to say the least. All the birthday parties and amusement parks and doctor appointments I would attend by myself. The details we would have to consider when buying a home or even going out to eat. The judgement of anyone around us who might happen to look up my husband because of his former baseball career and find out some details they weren't prepared for.
I really couldn't imagine even making it to 2020. Yet, here I am. That little boy is coming up on ten years old. That oldest daughter will be thirteen this summer. And I did have to navigate that wilderness. It was a wilderness, but the Lord held our hand all along the way. He lifted us over hurdles, dusted us off when we tripped, and even showed us some beautiful things hidden among the shadows. Within these ten years, our family has grown to eight. We have had neighbors love us well. We have had church community come around us and our ugly seeing the Jesus in it all. We have been humbled over and over again.
And now here I wake up in April of 2020. Truthfully, I'm standing in the middle of a pandemic that the enemy would like me to see as a cruel trick from the God I love so much, but I sniff out his lies. When the Israelites finally made it to the promised land after wandering for 40 years, they expected to come upon their land of milk and honey with a bow on top, but He still had faith stretching to do. The land that was suppose to be theirs was ruled by fierce people. But the fact that they had arrived on the other side of the wilderness was still true! Even if it didn't look like what they thought, it didn't mean God's promise was false...they would inherit that land. I feel a complete parallel to this as we see a world full of limits around us due to the Coronavirus as we step out of our wilderness. We are still stepping out and the Lord will be faithful to restore all the locusts have eaten. We trust His plan even if it looks crazy...because we can testify to what our Lord does with crazy.
During this quarantine time, our family has gotten into a habit of watching old videos. Recently the video of the birth of my son popped up and my husband and I were face to face with that ten year younger man and woman standing at the beginning of what seemed like an eternity of bondage. Man, what I wouldn't give to talk to her. What would I say you might ask? I would tell her that her God is faithful. I would tell her to stick with Him because he truly will make it all better than she could imagine. I would confirm for her that there will be times of disappointment and shame, but He will be enough. He will put people in her life to speak truth in these moments and love her well. I would tell her to take it one day at a time and look for the blessings in each of the hard days because they will be there and they will spur her on to endure another one. I would tell her that, believe it or not, one day you and your husband will be given a boldness for the Lord to live completely in the light with His story giving Him all the glory at the sake of your reputation and other marriages and people will be changed because of it.
And I will carry all of these truths into this next decade as I step into a new land, a different kind of land that I am sure won't be free of wilderness, but I can proceed without fear because I have seen his faithfulness...by His grace I won't forget.
Hear my husband's story over at his ministry Redemptive Sports.
I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you...
Joel 2:25-26
