I believed this to be the new and improved version of Sunday School as this was my first experience since my small town conservative church I grew up in. No shade on them; they were doing the best with what they knew. I was excited thinking that churches had figured this out, and then, the Lord moved us on from that church. We disappointingly found out that this kind of community had not been mastered at all churches and actually, the kind of community we had been blessed with during a season when we really needed it, was actually rare. We knew the Lord hadn't let us stay there because He wanted us to take it to other places...make it the majority instead of the minority. Man, we've learned a lot over the past few years. One thing being that creating the culture of vulnerability isn't as easy as it would seem. It is a culture of an entire church, not just one group within the church although that can happen; living in the light is entirely more prosperous when it is deemed fruitful rather than foolish by everyone.
However, this is not an article about church reform. This is an article about community and how important it is in your everyday life...especially if you're in the middle of an ugly season. Even an ugly season you brought on yourself. Many of us have maybe tried a community group only to find it an extra meeting, an extra burden, an extra social outing, or maybe just an extra Bible study. There is a place for this type of "get together", but it is not the community that I speak of. The kind of community I speak of is the kind that you need to get to. You really can't afford to miss this meeting because your soul needs it. You can't wait for your turn to speak because you desperately need to pour out a struggle or a conviction and have others gently meet it with truth through scripture and prayer (more on this later). And, when you leave, you feel refreshed and renewed and by drawing near to these fellow sisters you somehow feel closer to your Savior because this kind of community stirs your affections for Him...not surprisingly because it is His design.
Now, even this type of community can be done wrong. You know the enemy loves to take something good and twist it into something it was never meant to be. I have recently seen people, in the name of vulnerability, turn their community into a place of trash dumping. Trash dumping is where I come in the room every week, dump all my issues and concerns, and return week after week with the same trash to dump, unchanged*. Why? Could be for a number of reasons. One being, I actually like my trash. I don't want anyone to really speak any truth into my situation because I really just want confession so I can feel good for a minute about getting it off my chest and then I can return to it. Another common reason is because there is no one in the group bold enough to push back against sin. No one wants to be the "Debbie Downer Buzz Kill"; but ladies, if we can't lovingly speak truth over each other's situations, there will be no change! If we just laugh at and encourage one another's flirtations with sin, we are just another flesh-feeding happy hour. Do not get me wrong though. Being bold enough to speak where the Lord convicts you will come with love and gentleness. It is by no means an excuse to shout your opinions and reprimands. The key is to let the Holy Spirit lead...be bold enough to obey His guidance even when you know it isn't necessarily what your fellow sister wants to hear.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
Proverbs 27:5-6
My final warning about doing this type of community well is that it is never ok to be in a vulnerable relationship with the opposite gender. Vulnerability should not lead you to a place of being inappropriate with other people's spouses present. We as humans, struggle too heavily with temptation to allow this level of transparency with someone of the opposite sex that isn't our spouse. There is a reason that vulnerability produces deeper relationships. These deep relationships are meant for growing the body of Christ, not creating fertile ground for adultery. Is there a place for married couples to meet with other married couples? Sure. But, there should never be a level of comfort reached where a husband and wife of other couples meet, text, communicate without their spouse included. Think I'm being a little dramatic? I wish I could give stats on how many affairs come out of Christ-loving community groups that let their guard down in the context of "doing life closely".
*Let me also clarify that a community group can't change you...only Christ can. But can Christ use the people around you? Definitely. Also, even in a boldly obedient, truth speaking group can it take a while for you to take steps of obedience toward walking away from sin? For sure. Coming back to your group and having to confess the same sin over and over isn't necessarily a sign you guys are failing at community. You not being pushed towards true repentance of that sin weekly; however, may just be that very sign.
If you don't have this kind of community, let me encourage you to start praying for it.
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